A Guide to Stop Gossiping

Gossip, slander, talking behind others’ backs.

This is an all too common problem among Christians, despite the Bible explicitly stating that it’s a sin and it deeply wounds others.

It spreads rumors about people and exposes parts of their private lives. I’ve seen it destroy friendships. Nothing good ever comes from gossip.

I’ve had to distant myself from close friends when I realized they were spreading rumors and gossip about others and that they were most likely doing the same to me when I was not around.

If you know someone who is not afraid to tell you the nasty details of other people’s lives, chances are they’re sharing the details of your life. If someone you know fits this description, I encourage you to take a step back and evaluate the relationship. Ask God if you should continue interacting with this person.

If we ourselves realize we are the ones guilty of gossip, and we want to stop, we need to have an understanding of what gossip actually is. Here’s a rule of thumb I use for deciding if a conversation is gossip: if the person that I’m talking about walked into the room, would I be embarrassed, turn red in the face, and put my hand over my mouth? Along with simply asking myself, Would I be comfortable knowing that my friends talk about me like this?

And if you’re doubtful and not sure if what you want to say is gossip or not, the best route is to just not say it.

But stopping gossip doesn’t just end with our mouths. It also ends with our ears. Proverbs 18:8 says, “A gossip’s words are like choice food that goes down to one’s innermost being.” This shows that even listening to gossip about others, though we enjoy it, affects us negatively.

Imagine this: you go out with your friend Rebecca for coffee. While you’re sipping on your caramel macchiato, she mentions how you’re mutual friend Paige has been going through a rough patch in her relationship with her boyfriend Ryan. Rebecca tosses her hair over her shoulder, leans forward, and tells you that she took it upon herself to investigate Ryan’s Instagram account and noticed he follows some very pretty girls. And his Snapchat score has skyrocketed over the past week or so.

This conversation with Rebecca obviously gives you the impression that Paige and Ryan are having an issue with Ryan cheating. Out of curiosity, you text Paige two days after meeting up with Rebecca. You casually bring up that you’ve heard things have been rough. Paige opens up and confides in you that Ryan recently lost his job and wrecked his car, putting a lot of stress on the both of them.

Until Paige told you this, you had been angry at Ryan for “cheating” on your friend. Rebecca’s implication that he was unfaithful had completely changed your view of him, even causing you to grow bitter and hateful towards him. It spread a story that wasn’t true.

Though by most people’s standards you didn’t technically gossip because you weren’t the one who told the story, you still participated in it and it was still damaging.

So, what could you have done to stop the spread of this rumor?

When someone starts dishing out dirty details to you, usually your facial expressions and body language are indicators of whether or not you want to hear more. Smiling, nodding the head, and widening the eyes are all suggestions to the person speaking to keep on going. Whereas showing a curt smile or a soft frown can show you’re not interested.

If physically giving signs that you don’t want to hear it doesn’t work, move on to the next step of diffusing the conversation. This can be done tactfully. If the person gossiping gossips regularly to you, it would be best to tell them that you’re not really interested in hearing about others unless you have all the facts. An example phrase of this would be, “I don’t want to judge them until I hear their side of the story.”

If using tact doesn’t work, it’s time to be straightforward. Tell the person that you’re trying to cut gossip out of your life to be more spiritually healthy. If they get offended at you for this, know you didn’t do anything wrong. It means they have a sin issue that they need to get right with God.

I wholeheartedly believe that making the decision to stop gossiping is one of the most life changing we can make as Christians. It helps us to love others and to be more like Jesus.